A letter to my not-yet-adopted Baby

To my darling daughter,

Ever since I remember, I always wanted to be a mother. Always wished to be a mom more than be somebody’s wife. I wanted a daughter so I could dress her up in cute clothes, give her dolls, cars, toy swords. Whatever she wished for.

By the time I turned 27, I decided I want to adopt a baby girl. Your mumma was in a relationship when she turned 29. A beautiful relationship with an amazing guy (atleast that’s what it felt like that time) and both agreed to get married in couple of years and get a sweet little baby girl home. Four years passed by! Relationship went through a lot of crests and troughs. More troughs because the guy wasn’t exactly what mumma should have settled down for. He didn’t respect her, he didn’t love her, he cheated on her and more than anything he made a mockery of me wanting to adopt you in front of others. I had to leave him. Things looked bad. Mumma had a lot of deal with. Too much on all fronts. A broken engagement, nursing a broken heart, letting go of a dream to get married and have a baby with the ONE (Haha!) and then getting to know he never shared the same dreams and simply lied about them to make me happy. Ok! enough about him. I didn’t know how would I ever have you in my life. Could I afford to give a proper environment and not compromise on any of your needs? So many questions! Should I adopt you? What if I can’t keep you happy?

That’s when I realized, from now I will work hard in being self-sufficient and save enough so I can bring you into my world. I want to give you a good upbringing, a happy lifestyle and more importantly help you learn from your own mistakes and learn beautiful lessons from life.

Sweetheart, while I am writing this. I don’t even know who you are. Are you born yet? Will life have something else in store for me? But I hope someday, I can make this desire to have you in my life fulfilled. Always remember, mumma learnt to be happy on her own. You too sweetheart do not depend on anyone else to give you happiness, respect or hope. If people hurt you, let them go. If people ignore you, let them be. And always remember come what may, you will always have me! I hope I can be a good mother and hold your hand whenever you need me.

You gave me a reason to get up and walk again! Thanks for holding my hand and giving me the strength to realize my dream and make me work hard towards it.

For you have given re-birth to me!

Love you,

Your Mumma


– Arundhati