It is almost two years since I moved to Manila, Philippines from Mumbai, India. This was my first ever sojourn abroad. My first ever experience to stay away from home, from my family, my loved ones for such a long time. I wouldn’t say my life has always been a bed of roses but mostly I have lived a sheltered and pampered life. It was a good thing to experience something different in my life. It has been a thrilling adventure to say the least. To start from scratch in a foreign country, where you don’t know the language or culture of the people. Of course in the age of internet, where information is available on finger tips, plus with the help of some good samaritans, it was a pretty smooth ride.

It was amazing to live in a place like Eastwood City (equivalent to Powai in Mumbai). Having my own condo, my own bedroom, with so much space, unpolluted air, clear blue skies and an overall enhancement in the quality of life made me fall in love with Manila. Philippines also has a rich history and diverse geography, much like India. It was interesting to explore the new places, meet new people, trying to learn new language, understand the local culture and the cultural differences. Of course, there are cons too! Food has been the most challenging part of the stay being a diabetic vegetarian. Of course I love to cook and Indian groceries, albeit expensive, are easy to procure. However, due to hectic work schedule and somewhat my laziness, I have not been able to cook as much as I like. There are also plenty of Indian restaurants in Manila and apart from being too expensive, it is not advisable to eat the calorie dense curries frequently. Still, it was fun to explore vegetarian and vegan options which would also suit my taste buds. All in all, I was quite content and happy with my life year. I was also looking forward to explore more of Philippines and neighboring South East Asian countries in my third year in Manila. I was really grateful and could not ask for more.

But as I said on X, it is all fun and games until you fall sick. There are no GPs around who know your family history and can cure you with one dose of medicine. There is no comforting presence of your mother who can make you feel better. There is no comfort food. You need to do everything by yourself even if you do not have the energy to do anything. There is no door step service available. You need to go down to the lobby to collect whatever you have ordered. Independence is brave but it is not comforting. On some days you need lots of TLC, but there is no one to provide you with that. And calling home is not a good idea as you just make your loved ones worry about you and feel helpless.

This is not the only type of loneliness though. As you live alone, you have to fight different types of loneliness battles.

There is a type of loneliness that comes even when you’re surrounded by people. When the language flowing around you isn’t yours. When laughter happens in a rhythm you can’t quite follow. When every shared meal feels like a reminder that you don’t belong. Especially when you’re a vegetarian in a place that thrives on meat. You smile, you adapt, you learn to find joy in small things… but deep down, you miss the ease of being understood without explaining yourself.

And then there’s the quiet, heavy loneliness of standing alone when life turns unfair. When people twist stories, when whispers replace truth, and you realize you have no one to defend your name. You fight your battles quietly, not because you’re fearless but because there’s no one else to fight beside you.

Manila has been a mix of lessons and solitude. It’s beautiful, yes, but beauty doesn’t always mean belonging. During these times, yearning for home intensifies. Yearning for familiar voices, comforting food, squishy hugs of my niece (#BabyBarfi) and the peace that comes from being seen and loved without translation.

That’s what I am missing most right now. The comfort of home, in every sense of the word. To quote something I read on the net, “I don’t mind being alone, I am just not good at being lonely!”